LifeTrain

"It was just yesterday."

Her son was married just the other weekend. The first of her two boys who are around my age.

"...just yesterday that they were running around like yours are now"

It sounds silly to say it, especially with an infant under my care, but I feel it happening already. They are growing so quickly. Sometimes, when I look at Grant sprawled out on his bed with the covers mangled about him, it is as though I am looking at a teenager who has fallen asleep with the intention of remaining awake to study. But the Buzz Lightyear figurine and the Hot Wheels cars give him away, he is only three. Only three, that still seems old to me.

I stay home, I am hardly away. And, yet, I still feel as though I haven't had enough. I didn't capture that moment. I didn't breathe it all in. I didn't burn it in my memory strongly enough so that I can peek in on it in 20...30 years. Smell their hair. Feel the soft, firm skin. Hear the words pronounced with the tinge of "baby" that you want/don't want to disolve. Because when it disolves it is gone forever and you don't even miss it until you realize that it happened all too long ago.

Mo-mo used to mean cup. Bay-bay used to mean blanket-but only the special ones. Will I someday mourn the disappearance of "tomorrNo" or the fact that he can't pronounce the letter "s" when it begins a word. As always, it seems, the mark of a good parent is one who allows growth even when their own selfish desires would have them remain a baby forever.

So, as my next-door-neighbor and I let our four pre-school age boys hang out together, we looked at our other neighbor's wedding photos. The bride was gorgeous, the mother of the groom was gorgeous. And even now, as she was showing the photos, she was proud and happy. What an example of someone who shares in the joy of others! I want to be the same- rejoicing in the accomplishments of my children and delighting in the decisions they make. I suppose it is a fine balance between cherishing the past and dwelling on it (save some fingerpaingtings...but not all) (videotape often...but don't experience all their special moments through the viewfinder). Essentially, you really miss out if you can't enjoy the present and get excited about the future.

All this said, Dean has grown! He went to the doctor's office today for his 4 month check-up. He weighs 16 pounds, 11 ounces and is 25 3/4 inches long. He impressed the doctor with his rolling abilities... and then with his distance spitting. We are so proud.