I'm sending you this e-mail because you have helped in the past or have expressed and interest in helping out this Christmas to give gifts to Foster Children.
As you may or may not know, I am the Foster Care Coordinator for Centerstone. The Foster Care program is just one of many programs within my agency that serves children but it is a very special and unique facet of Centerstone.
The children in the foster care program range in age from infants to 18 but the majority of them are teens age 12-16. They have been removed from their homes and are living with foster families until it's possible for them to be reunified back with someone in their biological family or, if that is not possible, they are awaiting adoption. Christmas is a difficult time for them as you can imagine. Each year, we try to bring some cheer into their lives by giving them gifts that are on their wish list that they might not otherwise get except for the generosity of strangers.
I know first hand how rushed and over-committed we all can get once Thanksgiving gets here and I wanted to ask you to be considering helping a child in Foster Care this Holiday Season. I am also aware that this year in particular, we are all wondering where we will find money in our budgets for Christmas gifts for our families, let alone for strangers. If you feel so led, please consider holding aside some of your resources for a Child or Teenager in Foster Care.
This year I have 50 children on my list that I need to get donations for. We ask that you spend about $50 per child that you adopt. I will be compiling a "wish list" for each child and will give that to you as a guide but you can of course purchase whatever you would like for them.
Also - if you are a member of a church or other community organization that may be interested in participating - Will you please present this opportunity to them?
I will need to collect the gifts by Monday December 7th in order to have them in time for distribution.
Thank you so much for helping these kids. It means the world to them.
Please feel free to e-mail me or contact me by phone with any questions you may have.
With Sincerest Thanks,
Julie Clark
19-10-2009
Landing in Delhi, we felt such a strange disconnect. Or, at least I did. We were really there, “could this be?”. The airport was a bit different, but signs were in English. We had little to no trouble finding where to go. Due to the H1N1 (swine flu) epidemic, we went through a health screening. Before leaving the aircraft, we’d been given a form to fill out that asked us if we’d come in contact with people with the flu or if we’d had fevers recently- questions like that. Right off the plane, there were infrared cameras sensing our temperatures, and we filled out another questionnaire. Next, was the immigration desk. Though there were many lines, and some labeled “Indian citizen” and some labeled “Foreign citizen”, it didn’t seem to matter- agents were simply processing whatever traveller presented themselves at the counter. While Jess and Eric remained in line, I went the the restroom and had my first experience with a squatty potty. Not really a big deal, but I thought it was interesting that in a place (airport) where many cultures collide, they didn’t have a Western toilet. Again, not a big deal- the restroom was actually very clean and nicely appointed (travertine tiles... clean), but just used different fixtures. Most Indian toilets, I'd heard, also have hand held sprayers to "rinse off" afterward instead of using toilet tissue (think of the pull-out sprayers on a kitchen sink... like that) so seeing this was not a surprise. Paper was also there, as an option.
The immigration/ passport counter went mostly well. Little concern about our belongings, but a bit of a fuss over the address where we were staying (we had left that line blank because we’d be in 3 different hotels) and phone number not being on the form. Then, when it came to check my passport, the agent was convinced that I wasn’t the same person! He kept looking, and then even pointed out something about my lips being different. (Admittedly, I wasn’t wearing make-up, had just dyed my hear a smidge darker, and was wearing glasses... so I *know* I didn’t look exactly like the photo). I think I told the agent, “What do you mean it’s not me???!!!” Eric could tell I was getting flustered and gave me a glare that said, “just settle down already”. I removed my glasses and tried to show him. The agent still had a look of disbelief as though I was trying to pull one over on him. But, in the end, he let us through. Whew. All the time he deliberated, I thought- “If you only knew that here in this bag is more information than you could ever want on me! I’ll show it to you to prove I am who I say I am, OR you can contact the U.S. FBI, because they’ve fingerprinted me!”. But, I didn’t have to say that. :-)
Without incident, we collected our bags. Remnants of Diwali were around (since it had only ended the day before)- decorations with oil lanterns on them (Diwali is a Festival of Lights), and a shrine to the elephant goddess, Ganesha, were in amongst the baggage carousels. Once we had our bags, we gave a tear-off slip of our customs form to a different agent and left the terminal. No baggage search, no questioning. Our trips to England have always had more scrutiny in customs.
R. (our in-country coordinator) and his daughter were waiting for us, just past the sea of people with name placards waiting for other travelers, near the Cafe Coffee Day (just where he said he’d be!). Such a welcome sight! Immediately, R. was on the phone to his driver, telling him to pull around, and we walked outside to wait for him on the pavement. He said that they had been discussing (before we walked out) how we could be spotted. He relayed with a laugh that, knowing Jess was coming with us, he told his daughter that Eric would have facial hair and *two* women! At that moment, I realized- thank God!- R. would have a sense of humor and be good company for the week. The sky was dark-ish, but you could tell that the city lights and smog were keeping a glow trapped in the atmosphere. The air did smell different. I don’t know as it was as dramatic as others have remarked to me, but it was noticeable- the smog and the heat... it reminded me of the smell in the air after wildfires in California. We marveled at the fact that we were really, truly in our daughter’s birth country! The portion of sidewalk we were on was bustling. We learned that most of the flights from the US and Europe arrive from about 8pm until 2am, and that traffic would be high in the parking lot. It reminded me of the stadium parking lot jams that happen at the end of a concert or sporting event. A few people tried to take care of our bags for us and R. firmly said it wasn’t needed.
A short 10 minute drive in an SUV vehicle and we were at our hotel. Hotel Satapgiri in Delhi. Our rooms that night were at the end of a hallway and Jess was across from us. Though I’m sure we could have climbed into bed right then, we had to stay up to organize our bags for the following morning’s early flight (for which we only needed an overnight bag with one days’ clothes, and the rest would stay in our remaining luggage in the Saptagiri storage room). For simplicity, we kept the doors propped and continued to pass items between rooms. We rearranged everything and put all the orphanage donations into bags for R. I loved that! I am so thrilled that we can be a small blessing to them. We brought two old laptops for his Nepali orphanage, and a bunch of clothes and toothbrushes etc. for any orphanage he deems fit- it filled one very large bag, and one medium sized bag with care packages from other families in a tote. How completely strange to finally be packing Dorothy’s items in a bag and know that they’ll get used in only a day! I had the hardest time determining what outfits to pick for her first day with us, and what toy to bring, and how many diapers. My brain was foggy with a mix of nervousness and exhaustion and I felt like quitting and crawling into bed but couldn’t; I had to press on and finish before climbing in and going to sleep.
In hotels, I like to turn the light on in the bathroom and close the door until just cracked so I have a “night light” in the dark, unfamiliar room. The Saptagiri has trey ceilings in this room that are backlit and on a dimmer- so, we just left the accent light on on its lowest setting. Convenient and pretty.
We slept off and on for about 4 hours and then got up at about 4:45am.
This is the second post journaling our trip to gather our daughter in India. First post here.
If you missed seeing it "live", or want to see it again, click here for the photo blog by Jessie of Speckled Bird Art that corresponds with this part of the trip.
18-10-2009
After a morning getting ready for the day, and mini photo session, we loaded the bags into the car, said a final goodbye to the house and headed to Puckett’s Grocery for breakfast. Lael had two HUGE pancakes, I had their fantastic veggie omelet, and Dean and Eric shared some biscuts and gravy. Everyone else? I don’t remember. We smiled and laughed and I tried to breathe in the moment, but all I felt was nervous. Looking at my kids, and knowing I wouldn’t see them for 10 days made me want to draw them close, breathe them in, and sear the images of their gorgeous faces into my mind.
Next stop was Tim and Angie’s house to drop the kids off. Lael and Olivia went right to playing as we finished bits of business with Tim and Angie- giving them money, making sure they had keys and passcodes and telephone numbers. And our Will. *Whew* All so official. All so final. Tears started flowing then. We had to give the final kisses and hugs. The trouble with loving so much is the ache that goes with being separate. It hardly felt fair that we had to leave three behind to gather one. But isn’t that what Christ does? Leaves the 99 sheep to gather the one. His example brings reassurance. All will be well. We circle around and gather for prayer, holding hands and fighting even more tears. Prayers for safety, prayers for Dorothy’s heart, prayers of health and energy and smooth times with Uncle Tim and Aunt Angie. And, then, because the mood seemed too somber- a declaration that this is a time of CELEBRATION... our child is coming home! The clock continued to move forward, we had to go. Tim drove with us to BNA and we unloaded the bags, gave another quick embrace (the shorter the better so the tears are few) and we were off to check in for our Nashville to Chicago leg of the journey!
After an uneventful hour and a half flight, and we found ourselves in Chicago. Lunch, and some computer time in the food court. Jess and I had the pizza, Eric had McDonald’s. I wondered if that would be the last of such food for the next ten days. We also took some melatonin to attempt to sync up with India time. Instantly drowsy, and with 4 hours until the Chicago to Delhi leg departed, we made our way to the gate (k-19) and I laid down right on the carpet floor, in front of the big window and prepared for a nap! I popped in my noise-isolating earbuds that we splurged on, and played a bit of John Mayer through my iPhone at a nearly-off volume. Subtle and smooth, and peaceful (in an airport- these things are *good*!)). I was so nervous about my bad back, that I wanted every opportunity to be stretched out, and out of the sitting position. I think I slept for at least 30 minutes, but maybe it was an hour? I probably could have slept longer, but my hip had gone numb from the seam of my jeans pressing into the hard ground. Jess posted the pictures from the morning, and Eric watched a movie from his phone, I think. When I woke, more people has started gathering in the gate. Lots of Indian people who were flying with us to INDIA. As I stood in line at the counter to see if our seats might be changed to aisle (please???!), I was pulled into a conversation with a group of three people who were flying "home" for a family wedding. I said it was our first time going to India and once asked why, told of our adoption. They said it was such a good thing that we were doing. Then conversation moved to coping with the long flight and one of the men suggested lots of alcohol. I asked how that would feel once compounded with jetlag and he laughed, "deal with it then!".
The time did come, though, for us to board. We were in the middle bank of a 777, flanked by two (independent) Indian strangers, we three sat in the middle. Very little to say about the 14-15 hours on that plane. We did our best to align with India time (which meant trying to stay awake), but ended up taking cat naps here and there. I did quite well with my firm horse-shoe-shaped neck pillow wedged into my lower back. Praise God for keeping my back from harm and also giving me the opportunity to stand for long periods. At one point, I was out of my seat for an hour and the airline hostess simply joked, “We’re not congregating, are we??”. “Noooooo”, I responded making sure she knew I’d *never* think of such a thing! I had a nice talk with the stewardesses at one point, telling them about our adoption. They were a group of “old broads” (as one of them put it). You could tell they’d been in the industry a long time and I heard some of their stories of international travel. By the time Eric made his way to the front, they knew our story and he came to his seat a bit surprised that complete strangers knew so much about him. Another long conversation was with a pastor who was helping teach at a convention for new believers in India. Once he deduced that I was a believer, he spoke more openly, but before that point, he simply said he was a “teacher”. Safety in India being a prime reason for a bit of secrecy- violent attacks on Christians have been occurring with great frequency recently.
Many snacks (Milanos and tinned orange juice) and movies (Easy Virtue with Colin Firth, part of I Hate Valentine’s Day before even a 15 hour flight couldn’t make me want to finish it) and TV shows (30 Rock, Monk) later.... we landed in Delhi!
17-10-2009
After having completed packing the night before (Friday night), our Saturday was simply for relaxing and putting the house in order.
That morning, I ran off to The Mercantile for my monthly adoption breakfast with friends. Knowing my family wanted me home (it being our last weekend as a family of 5), I stopped in for only a hot chocolate and “30 minutes” of gab. Okay, it ended up being an hour, but I’m glad Eric forgave me. :-) Jo, and Shannon, and Anne were there and they were all so encouraging and sweet knowing the thoughts and feelings that were running through me. Heather, caught me just as I was getting in the car to head home- she had a big week that week, too! Lots of hugs and happy tears. Then, a great family breakfast.
After lunch, I went to Namratha’s house, where a friend of her’s, Sungeeta, painted my hands with henna (mendhi) in celebration of our upcoming trip. The paste was in little cones similar to what a pastry chef might use, and she spent an hour doing designs. Each hand had it’s own design on the palm, inner wrist, and fingers.
An “E” for Eric and “T” for Tisra were hidden in amongst the doodles. Sungeeta worked so artistically and quickly, it was mesmerizing to watch. After the designs were completely “piped” onto my hands, they had to remain there to set. Namratha walked me home since I couldn’t turn door handles myself and I was able to simple sit, relax with the family and watch a movie with my palms facing up. To prevent the henna from drying and cracking off my hands, I swabbed a sugar water on them. After 3 hours, I was able to wash it off- in perfect timing for dinner with Tim and Angie. Burgers and cupcakes- fabulous gluten-free cupcakes!
Then, it was off to the airport to pick up Jess! As I stood there at the checkpoint waiting for her friends of ours popped off another flight. A quick hello and conversation about *this* being the time we'd waited for. It felt unreal. We’d been planning for so long! It was happening! Then the Vegas flight came in on time at about 9:30pm and we were home shortly after and finally in bed about 12pm.
Alright, let's see how this goes :-)
I have one of the cutest little girls in my lap RIGHT NOW (isn't it amazing???!) so now is not the time to write a proper, thorough posting of our trip and time since being home. But, I just felt that I needed to break the bloggy silence and at least report something. It's also much less intimidating to do it this way. So much more to add, but this was started a week ago and I’ve got to get it up.
I present....
A Synopsis of Our Dorothy
All of these months (years!), we prepared for the various ways that children cope with the traumatic change that occurs with international adoption. We'd read books, gone through classes, and spoken with lots of adoptive parents (and I've, of course, read a lot of adoption blogs). Until your child is given to you, you just have no idea how they'll respond.
I was prepared for, but also not wanting, her to react violently and angrily- thrashing, biting, yelling, screaming, and resisting our touch. That would have been perfectly normal and we would have waded through it with prayer and sleep and supporting each other.
I'm not gonna lie*, I can not stop praising God that Dorothy's reaction to us was nothing like that!
Amid the stress of the situation, she has had almost unnerving eye contact with us. Since the day we got her, even, she has looked right at us with those soulful eyes. She has clung to us for dear life and been soothed by our touch- being comforted by both Eric and me and only slightly preferring one of us over the other from day to day (one day it's Eric, one day it's me).
The first three days we had her, she was limp like a ragdoll. You could pick up her arm, let go of her wrist, and have it flop down and meet her lap with no resistance- complete dead weight as though she didn't have a single muscle. Apart from her expressive eyes, and the fact that she was breathing and eating, she was lifeless (yes, she smiled that first night after much effort on our part- but it wasn’t easy or natural; we pried it out of her). She also didn't say anything in either language apart from a wimper (or a full cry if a bath was happening). Dorothy also found a way to sleep a LOT. Her first night in bed between us was solid and long (no waking for about 15 hours) and then she napped extensively the following day. I believe she was unable to process the change and was just escaping through her sleep ("if I just keep my eyes closed, maybe these funny white people with be gone"). Though she would give smiles, they were hard to work for and she still kept them guarded with a lower lip and chin that clenched tight to prevent an open-mouth grin. And, though she can walk and stand, she almost never stood and fought being set down at all.
Her next three days with us, we began noticing a change. Dorothy slept less, and started to pick a few things up with her hands. We put some silver jingle anklets on her ankles on Gotcha Day, and she enjoyed flicking them to hear the sound. She gravitated toward hard things and wanted to pick at them... our fingernails, the hard eyes on a stuffed animal, the buttons on a shirt. Her smiles still remained tightly guarded, but their frequency increased. Our coordinator noticed that her countenance had changed and commented on it. Increasingly, she would stand for short periods, and if we moved in the room would hurriedly chase us by walking a few steps.
The day we traveled home until Monday have actually been the hardest. Dorothy was starting to come to life at this point. She wanted to touch more, and have more control over her environment but was easily frustrated. She discovered the wonderfulness of buttons on the airplane, especially the touch screen of the personal TV in the back of the headrest. The buttons on the remote were good, too, but I was most impressed by how she *knew* that a rectangle on the screen was a button because the screen would change after pressing it (for instance, one that said "video", or one that said "language"). We had some screeching moments over me pulling her hand away because she kept restarting my movie by selecting "video"! Also, though she wanted to be held, she was more specific about how. I guess she was feeling comfortable enough with us to show that she had preferences. "Yes, I like my cheek touching yours. No, that's too low; raise me up!" Preferences with food, too. If she didn't like something, she began letting it fall from her mouth after a few chews. I'd have to say, we were thrilled that she was coming to life, but so exhausted from travel and jetlag that we were almost wishing for the ragdoll to make a reappearance. Ragdoll mode was certainly easier!
By Monday (11/2), Eric and I were more like ourselves. I think it hadn’t just been jetlag, but was also the Malarone we’d been taking to prevent malaria. As soon as we stopped the medication, fatigue completely disappeared (along with my nasuea). Monday morning bright and early we dropped Grant, Dean, and Lael off at Amy’s and made our way to our appointment for Miss Dorothy at the International Adoption Clinic at Vanderbilt Children’s Hospital. I know that they aren’t in every town, so we feel quite thrilled to have such a resource right at our fingertips here in Nashville! The panel of health care providers we were set to meet with that day included an occupational therapist, a psychiatrist, and a physician who all specialize in the unique nature of international adoptions.
The occupational therapist talked with us about milestones that should be reached at this age, and where one might expect her to be given the time she’d spent in an institution. She did acknowledge that we are familiar (3x over) with this stage, and that that would be an advantage for us. A basket of manipulatives came out, too, and she watched how she did/did not play. Dorothy was very reserved and unsure about picking *anything* out of the basket but, given enough time, she did start interacting. One of the things was an empty plastic bubble container filled with 1/2 inch wooden beads. The hope is that a child this age will be fascinated with emptying the container and the using a pincher grasp to refill. She finally did. Some stacking toys were included, too, and she eventually played with those. By the end of the time together (about an hour), we determined that she was probably in between 12-24 months development in particular areas. The only “red flag” she had at the time was her speech. She said that at 2 weeks postplacement, they would expect her to be at least saying something (and that Wednesday would've been two weeks)
The second stop was the psychiatrist. We discussed bonding, and attatchement and, then, priamarily, language (again). Dorothy is doing so well! We knew that, but it was affirmed here when we were able to report that she: has AMAZING eye contact, is comforted by us (wants to be held, and seeks comforting when hurt), is eating well and showing us when she is full (and not gorging to the point of throwing up), sleeping well, accepts and enjoys our touch (massage and loving caresses, and is opening up and trusting us with things that were once scary (bath time is less and less traumatic, and the car seat is a non-issue now... yay!). Her only points of concern were Dorothy’s lack of a soothing mechanism (thumb sucking, blankie... something!) and her language. The self-soothing issue is better, I believe, than having a negative self-soothing behaviour (masturbation, head banging etc.) but it still would be nice if she knew a way to calm herself down or help herself get to sleep. Alas, we can’t change that. It does leave us with a big question mark as to what she did before us. Surely her nanny didn’t rock her (and all the other kids) to sleep! The second concern was her language. The psychiatrist mentioned the help of Early Intervention if she didn’t progress (but also noted that if we called now, we’d be refused because it’s “too soon”). It was certainly made clear to us that speech is something we can wait a bit on, but not too long.
Our final stop was the physician. We talked over the tests to be run and where Dorothy was on a chart when compared to other kids her age. Height: not even on the chart. Weight: not on the chart. Head circumference: 3%. She’s itty bitty. Can’t wait to see how she flourishes over the next few months. Friends of ours brough their 1 year old daughter home from China 4 months ago and she has already gained 5 pounds! So, we left with a stool sample kit for parasites, and an order for the lab on the 6th floor so we could have blood drawn. We wanted to confirm her beta thalassemia minor diagnosis, and do titers to determine her resistance to things she’s supposedly been innoculated against.
The International Adoption Clinic will remain a resource for us if we need anything else, but I expect that most things will be accomplished through our primary pediatrician.
It’s Monday again, so that appointment was a week ago now. A mere couple of hours after that appointment, Dorothy started babbling a bit. The following day, she began attempting to mimic us (hello two week mark!). We’re not in the clear, but my guess is that her speech will catch up with 5 other humans constantly talking to her and showing her every part of her new world. And if it doesn't, we have a game plan.
This week alone Dorothy:
Some of our labs are back, too. We know her TB was negative, and all of her immunizations prooved effective. Her beta thalassemia minor is just as expected (no worse, no better- and we do not have to follow up with a hematologist. yay!) We’re still waiting on the stool samples I turned in Friday, but we should know this week. At that point, we’ll make an appointment for her first complete physical and appointment with our own pediatric office.
There. That’s the basic, quick-as-I-can lowdown. :-) It only took me a week! Today, we are starting back to school with Grant and Dean. It’s been slightly difficult, but not because of Dorothy. I think my boys have forgotten more than I’d hoped about the subjects we’re studying AND they’ve forgotten many of the homeschool guidelines (staying at the table, no interrupting, no whining about how much handwriting is involved...). We’ll find our groove, though.
Thank you all for your wonderful prayers! It’s amazing how the Lord has protected us, sustained us, and provided for us during this time. I wish that all of you would experience the incredible miracle of adoption and make an orphan into a son or daughter!
*that was a phrase we heard Jess say a bazillion times in India before saying something cute and, I'm not gonna lie, it totally rubbed off on Eric and me!
